Thinking About Writing a Memoir?

 

First, Decide What Kind of Story You Want to Tell

For many first-time memoir writers, the hardest question is not, “What should I write?”

It is:

“Where do I begin?”

A lifetime can contain childhood memories, family stories, careers, relationships, losses, achievements, travel, faith, caregiving, friendships, mistakes, and moments that changed everything.

Trying to fit all of that into one book can feel overwhelming.

The good news is that a memoir does not have to tell your entire life story.

In fact, some of the strongest memoirs are built around one part of a life, one period of time, or one central theme.

That is how my own memoir-writing journey began.

My Memoir Began With Two Childhood Dreams

I grew up in San Francisco near the Hunters Point Naval Shipyard.

As a boy, I could see that Navy base and often wondered what was inside. The ships, the activity, and the mystery of that place fascinated me.

I wanted to experience that world for myself.

There was just one problem.

I was a kid.

My mother explained that I was much too young to join the Navy.

So, in the simple way children sometimes think about impossible things, I prayed for something that probably sounded strange to an adult:

I wanted there to be a Navy for kids.

Then I discovered the Sea Scouts.

To me, the Sea Scouts became the Navy I had prayed for.

I joined Sea Scout Ship Reliance and experienced boating, seamanship, responsibility, teamwork, adventure, and a whole new world on San Francisco Bay.

But something happened later that made that childhood story even more remarkable.

The Hunters Point Naval Shipyard eventually closed.

Years later, when our Sea Scout ship, the Reliance, needed to be hauled out of the water for maintenance, the place where that work was done was the very place I had spent my childhood wondering about:

Hunters Point Naval Shipyard.

The Navy base I had once dreamed of entering as a boy had become part of my own Sea Scout story.

That experience eventually helped inspire my memoir, A Veteran Sea Scout.

And it taught me something important about memoir writing:

You don't always need to write about your entire life. Sometimes one meaningful piece of your life contains an entire book.

There Is More Than One Kind of Memoir

There is no universally agreed-upon number of memoir types because many memoirs overlap. But if you are thinking about writing your own story, it may help to understand some of the major approaches.

1. Autobiographical or Life Memoir

This type covers a broad portion of your life.

It may begin with childhood and move through adulthood, career, family, retirement, and later years.

Even then, a memoir should not become a simple list of everything that happened.

The goal is to select the experiences that helped shape you.

Think less:

“Then this happened, and then this happened.”

And more:

“This happened, and it changed the direction of my life.”

2. Coming-of-Age Memoir

A coming-of-age memoir concentrates on childhood, adolescence, or early adulthood.

It explores the experiences that helped you become the person you are.

My own Sea Scout story contains elements of this kind of memoir.

I was a young person discovering responsibility, adventure, independence, and a wider world beyond my neighborhood.

Your own coming-of-age story might involve school, sports, military service, first jobs, friendships, family struggles, music, church, or simply growing up in a particular community.

3. Family Memoir

A family memoir centers on the people who helped shape your life.

That might include:

• Parents

• Grandparents

• Brothers and sisters

• Children

• Spouses

• Extended family

• Family traditions

• Family struggles

• Family secrets

• Generational change

Sometimes the most powerful memoir is not only about what happened to you, but about the people whose lives became connected to yours.

4. Career or Professional Memoir

You may have enough stories from your working life to fill an entire book.

A career memoir can explore:

• How you entered your profession

• Mentors who helped you

• Difficult bosses

• Workplace politics

• Major projects

• Successes

• Mistakes

• Career changes

• Technological changes

• Lessons learned

A career memoir is especially interesting when your working life took place during a period of major change.

Your personal experience then becomes part of a larger history.

5. Travel Memoir

A travel memoir uses places and journeys as the framework.

But a good travel memoir is more than a record of where you went.

It asks:

What did the journey do to me?

Perhaps traveling changed how you understood another culture, your own country, your family, or yourself.

The destination gives the book its setting.

The transformation gives it meaning.

6. Survival or Adversity Memoir

Some people are moved to write because they survived something difficult.

That might include:

• Poverty

• Loss

• Illness

• Disability

• Discrimination

• Divorce

• Addiction

• Violence

• Natural disaster

• Financial hardship

• Caregiving

• Starting life over

These memoirs can be especially powerful because readers often recognize parts of their own struggles in someone else's survival.

The purpose does not have to be, “Look what I endured.”

It may instead be:

“This is what I learned while trying to make it through.”

7. Spiritual or Faith Memoir

A spiritual memoir explores your relationship with belief, faith, doubt, prayer, religion, purpose, or something greater than yourself.

It may describe a lifetime of faith.

Or it may tell the story of losing faith and finding it again.

It can also involve questions that were never completely answered.

A spiritual memoir does not require the writer to have all the answers.

Sometimes the questions themselves are the story.

8. Relationship Memoir

A relationship memoir concentrates on an important connection between people.

That might involve:

• Marriage

• Romance

• Friendship

• Parenthood

• Divorce

• Caregiving

• Reconciliation

• Estrangement

• Grief

Sometimes one relationship can reveal more about a person's life than a hundred unrelated events.

9. Historical or Cultural Memoir

This type places your personal experience inside a larger moment in history.

Perhaps you grew up during:

• Segregation

• The Civil Rights Movement

• A war

• Major social change

• Neighborhood redevelopment

• The rise or decline of an industry

• A technological revolution

Your memory becomes more than personal history.

It becomes a witness to an era.

My own Sea Scout experience, for example, was connected to San Francisco, Hunters Point, the Naval Shipyard, and a form of youth maritime training that became part of my personal history.

10. Theme-Based Memoir

A theme-based memoir may be one of the easiest approaches for someone writing their first memoir.

Instead of trying to cover your entire life, you choose one subject that has followed you through it.

The theme might be:

• Music

• Science

• Broadcasting

• Boating

• Military service

• Gardening

• Sports

• Faith

• Disability

• Caregiving

• Education

• Filmmaking

• Community service

Then you choose the memories that connect to that subject.

The result is usually a much more focused book.

Your Memoir May Fit More Than One Category

You do not have to choose only one.

A memoir about growing up in a changing neighborhood might be both a coming-of-age memoir and a historical memoir.

A book about caring for a spouse could be both a relationship memoir and an adversity memoir.

A memoir about decades in one profession might combine career, history, and family.

My Sea Scout memoir contains elements of coming-of-age, history, place, adventure, and personal growth.

That overlap is normal.

The Question That Can Help You Begin

If you are thinking about writing a memoir, don't begin by asking:

“How can I fit my whole life into a book?”

Ask instead:

“Which part of my life still has something to say?”

Maybe it was five years.

Maybe it was one career.

Maybe it was one relationship.

Maybe it was one neighborhood.

Maybe it was the dream you had when you were ten years old.

Sometimes the smallest doorway leads into the largest story.

I once dreamed about discovering what was behind the gates of the Hunters Point Naval Shipyard.

I was too young to join the Navy.

So I prayed for a Navy for kids.

I found the Sea Scouts.

And years later, the Sea Scout ship that had helped fulfill one childhood dream carried me directly into another.

That became a story worth remembering.

And eventually, it became a story worth writing.

If you have lived long enough to look back and say, “I remember when…”, there is a good chance you already have the beginning of a memoir.

You may simply need to decide which story is asking to be told first.